Whisper Goodbye
by Denrinko
Summary: Filled with nothing but despair and regret, Izaya wants to make things right and sees no other option. [Self-harm/Suicide.] [Oneshot.]


_**Not gonna lie, I teared up writing this, the image was too clear in my mind**_

 _ **WARNING: THIS WORK CONTAINS SELF HARM AND SUICIDE AND MAY UPSET SOME READERS.**_

* * *

 _Why did it turn out this way?_

 _It hurts_

 _Shizu-chan..._

 _It hurts_

 _Shizu-chan..._

 _It hurts_

 _Please..._

 _This pain in my chest is just becoming greater and greater, I can't stand it anymore..._

Orihara Izaya sat crumpled on his bathroom floor, he was wearing only black briefs and a black short sleeve shirt that was to big for his skinny body, it hung off him looking more like a short dress.

In hand was his flick blade, held so tightly that the handle dug into his palm and his knuckles turned white, the sliver blade dripped red as he brought it one again to his pale thighs which already housed dozens of cuts that criss-crossed his pale skin, blood flowed from them making every inch of the flesh red.

Izaya sobbed uncontrollably as he repeatedly dragged the blade across his skin. Tears fell from his eyes landing on his disfigured legs, mingling in with the blood that had already made a small puddle on the white tiles beneath him.

"Why!? Why isn't it working!?" He cried hysterically, his sobs turning into choked hiccups as he struggled to breathe through the emotional pain, deep down he knew cutting wasn't enough to erase his sins.

He looked up into the floor length mirror opposite him catching the sight of himself. The tear stained face, bloodied thighs and hands, all but a broken piece of who he once was.

"Ah, look at me Shizu-chan...isn't this funny? Look what I've reduced myself to." He spoke to his reflection as if it was the blond man, Izaya started sobbing again.

"Why!?...I hate this!" He cried slamming his hands into the tiles ignoring it when the knife stabbed into his hand. "Why does it have to be like this!?" He looked up at the mirror, seeing the blond bodyguard look down as him in distaste.

"When I love you so much." Izaya whimpered, "There's nothing I can do. I ruined everything! We could have been something if I wasn't like this." He wailed, the pain in his chest grew as he could barely breathe because he was crying to hard, his breathing was unsteady and he felt lightheaded.

"It's not enough, these little cuts are nothing compared to the pain I've caused you" Izaya dropped his knife and instead grabbing his hair with two hands, pulling at it with all his strength. Izaya wailed and sobbed and the sounds echoed through the bathroom.

He looked at the mirror again through tear filled eyes, his mouth was dry and his voice was hoarse. He stared into his own eyes which reflected the agony he felt.

"Ne, Shizu-chan how can I free you from a monster like me?" He whispered before closing his eyes in defeat, before opening them quickly as an idea sprung in his mind.

"That's right. If it's for Shizu-chan... I can do it." Izaya said an unstable broken smile spreading across his tearful face, he couldn't stand because of how damaged his legs were so he crawled from the ensuite bathroom to his bedroom, the blood from his legs dripped onto the hardwood floors leaving a trail to his bedside table and back to the safety of the bathroom.

"It will be easier to clean in here." He mused as he crawled to the mirror once again, he looked into his eyes once again.

"Don't look at me like that it's for the best." He told himself, he looked around for something to write with, he might as well leave a few words. His eyes rested on the blood on his legs and his eyes widened in realization.

He dipped the fingers of his free hand into the blood before reaching as high as he could on his knees. He decided to keep simple but even then he had to dip his fingers multiple times to get enough blood to write those two words:

"I'm sorry."

Hiccuping and shaking, Izaya smiled at his reflection, "I know, I'm scared too but this is the only way you can be free Shizu-chan, you will have peace. I wish it was easier but this is who I am Shizu-chan. As long as I am me, it will bring you pain...because.."

Click.

"Because... I can't leave you alone, I love you too much." Izaya said through a tear filled smile. He swallowed heavily and closed his eyes, strengthening his resolve before opening them again.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Shizu-chan...maybe some day we can met again on better terms. I want you to be happy." His voice broke as tears streamed down his face. "You can't be happy with me." Violent sobs racked through his small body.

His eyes never left his reflection in the mirror as the gun in his right hand was brought to his temple.

"I'm so scared..." His body shook violently as his finger hooked over over the trigger, he had already turned the safety off. He closed his eyes,

"I'm sorry...I love you...Goodbye" He trembled, taking a deep breath.

A deafening bang echoed throughout the apartment before a disturbing, absolute silence filled the room.

In the next city over, on his way home Heiwajima Shizuo felt his stomach drop and he shuddered as a cold shiver went through his entire body despite the warm weather.

What was that? He thought stopping for a moment to look around, seeing nothing he shrugged it off, but as he went to start walking again something tugged at his sleeve, stopping him.

Shizuo looked down his eyes widening his horror at the blood covered hand gripping his sleeve. He turned only to be meet with a even more gut wrenching and horrifying sight.

Orihara Izaya smiled at him sadly, blood covered every inch of skin Shizuo could see, tears poured from Izaya's dull red eyes but of all things the informant's image flickered, like an unstable, see-through afterimage.

Shizuo opened his mouth to speak but Izaya looked deep into his eyes, making his voice catch, those eyes were filled with something Shizuo couldn't quite comprehend, but it was something that made the blond want to cry.

"I'm sorry...I love you...Goodbye" the raven whispered, Shizuo's eyes widened in shock as the words. Izaya's voice echoed unnaturally making Shizuo blink in surprise, but when he opened them again the informant was nowhere to be seen. Shizuo looked around frantically as his heart pounded uncontrollably in chest. Something was horribly wrong, the blond could feel it in his bones.

His golden eyes widened and his heart lurched as he saw the bloodied hand print on his sleeve, he touched the red mark in a daze, seeing it was still wet. Shizuo looked to the air where the raven had been.

" I-Izaya...?" He whispered.


End file.
